Guards! OLD WOMAN: No, no, he talks! He does. (Smacks Donkey again) Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk! THE CAPTAIN: That's it. OLD WOMAN: Oh, oh, he's just.he's just a little nervous. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN: Well, I've got a talking donkey. PINOCCHIO: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Geppetto takes the money and walks off. (his nose grows) THE CAPTAIN: Five shillings for the possessed toy. (Smacks Donkey) DONKEY: Oh! THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got? GEPPETTO: This little wooden puppet. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN: Oh, shut up. DONKEY: (To his owner) Please, don't turn me in. LITTLE BEAR: (crying) This cage is too small. GUARD: Sit down there! Be quiet! Mama Bear and Papa Bear are locked inside giant cages, with Little Bear in his own cage. He looks in horror at the witch and a group of dwarves being loaded into a wagon. GUARD: Get up! Come on! Waiting in line is Donkey on a leash and his owner. Next! The captain hands over the reward to the villager who turned the witch in. (breaks the broom in half) THE CAPTAIN: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Come on! Get up! THE CAPTAIN: Next! GUARD: (Taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in the fairytale creatures. THE NEXT DAY - FOREST Fairy tale creatures are put in chains and led into wagons by Duloc Guards. Fairytale creatures"? He sighs and walks off. SHREK: And stay out! ( He looks down and picks up a wanted poster dropped by one of the villagers. All: (Screaming!!!) Shrek laughs as the men drop their torches and pitchforks and run away as fast they can. SHREK: (Whispering) This is the part where you run away.
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He wipes his mouth and waits for the villagers to stop screaming. Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches. Shrek casually licks his fingers and pinches the flame, extinguishing the torch. Villager 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! The villager waves his torch in Shrek's face. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. Villagers: No! SHREK: They'll shave your liver. Shrek slowly approaches as the villagers back away in fear. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. SHREK: Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. SHREK: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME Villager 1: Think it's in there? Villager 2: All right. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. This includes taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. Out steps SHREK, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. What a load of - We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it closed. For her true love and true love's first kiss. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower.
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Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
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